


Need You Still

by TrainThoughts



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Aftermath, Angst, Arguing, But this was kinda scarring, F/M, Heist, Hurt, I love Amy okay, More like the ending we never got, One Shot, Therapy, not a fix it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:06:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23581324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrainThoughts/pseuds/TrainThoughts
Summary: The Nine-Nine heists were notorious for getting superbly out-of-hand, but they always ended up fixing things by the end. But maybe this time, it's gone too far?A.K.A. Jake confronts Amy about Therapygate
Relationships: Jake Peralta/Amy Santiago
Comments: 16
Kudos: 101





	Need You Still

**Author's Note:**

> (Sing with me) Bob the Builder, can we fix it?

This time as well, it was forgotten about, in the heat of the moment and in the general chaos that ensued after yet another one of their spectacular heists - they had to stop Rosa from gloating too much, argue about who won the fifth heist, and field insults from all sides, about _who helped whom_ and _who betrayed whom_ , and threaten various violence-s if anyone stood in their way for the next heist - typical post-heist fare. Nothing new.  


_Hank_

There was nothing new in the way Mr. Hank of Shaws bar finally pushed them to go home, shaking his head as he thought, _damn cops _. When he'd inherited the business from his uncle, he hadn't thought he'd be bartending at a cop bar (never liked 'em) but he did the accounts, and God, did they drink. He owed half his business to the Nine-Nine. So he let them drunkenly argue till 1 or 2 or 3 AM, depending on his (rather his wife's) mood.__

__Today, in the aftermath of their heist, and the next day being Easter Sunday and all, he let them bicker till half past three, and then his wife reminded him that lunch was at his in-laws the next day, and he politely yet firmly informed the drunk cops that it was time to go home, _goodbye.__ _

__It wasn't that hard to usher them out, because one of the cops was pregnant and hence sober, and with a slightly embarrased smile, she apologised and helped him get the rest out of the bar, but not before the curly-haired woman made them chant 'Rosa Diaz is an Amazing Human Slash Genius' three times._ _

__"The. Not An."_ _

__And so they chanted it three times again._ _

__It was nearing on four by the time the last of them trailed out, a large, hunkering man with a flat top. "Just checkin' if there were any appetizers left in the kitchen," he said cheerfully and unabashedly, before waving goodbye._ _

___The hell?!_ Hank shut the door rather forcefully, before-_ _

__"Oh, oh wait! I'm so sorry, I had to pee-"_ _

__The pregnant cop - _Santiago_ , he remembered - she'd broken five shelves worth of bottles at the bar one Thanksgiving, seven or eight years ago - was still inside. "I have to go like, once every hour now," she said apologetically, hands framing her bump. "Wouldn't have made it home in time, and-"_ _

__"It's fine," he grunted, as he pulled the door open. He could hear someone saying, "Hey, have you seen Amy?"_ _

__"I'm here," she yelled back, as she was crossing the doorway, right into Hank's ear. He opened his mouth to retort angrily, but then let it go. He remembered, Santiago and her husband had held their wedding reception at his bar, and then her husband- _Pereira? Peralta?_ \- had tried to wrangle his way out of paying the rather large bill by asking him to participate in some stupid bet involving darts and for some reason, eggs? - he'd shut it down, obviously. He had two kids to send to college. He'd almost felt sorry for the detective, but then his tipsy new bride had appeared and kissed him like there was no tomorrow (a.k.a. it was disgusting and bordering on indecent) and any sympathy that Hank felt, went melting away._ _

__It seemed so long ago, and yet it seemed like yesterday. And now they were having a _child_ , God bless._ _

__Maybe they'd have the baby shower here, Hank thought with a chuckle._ _

__He (finally,finally!) locked the door and went out through the back, bracing himself for his wife's taunts. The cops were still outside, bickering on the sidewalk._ _

__Well, atleast no one would break in, he consoled himself. Unless it was the cops themselves. Somehow, he couldn't put it past them._ _

__  
_Jake__ _

__

__There was nothing new in the way Jake and Amy clambered into their new, sensible sedan, fussing over the radio, and laughing about their day. There was nothing new in the way they staggered home, exhausted and euphoric, and almost fell asleep the minute their heads touched their pillows - they had tiring jobs! - Amy'd just begun to drift off when Jake poked her-_ _

__"What?" She snapped, annoyed._ _

__"D'you really think Holt put up a surveillance system in our house?" He whispered._ _

__Amy was too tired to contemplate this. Her belly was beginning to pop, and with it, her back ached continuously. "Well, we all do crazy things for the heist-" she mumbled and pulled the covers over her head, wanting nothing more than to let sleep take her._ _

__Next to her, Jake stiffened._ _

__Suddenly it all came rushing back. _The fake therapist, being spied on- by his own wife, no less- and essentially being hit where it hurt.__ _

__The memory brought with it, a flood of dismay, anger, heartbreak - and in a flurry of emotions, Jake grabbed his pillow and stormed out to the couch._ _

__He loved his wife to death, but he really couldn't stand the sight of her face at the moment._ _

__

__It was hard to drift off, the misery and rage gripping his heart like a vice, making it hard to breathe; but when he finally did, the last thought he had was about the lack of bump pressing into his back as he slept._ _

__

__  
Amy woke him up with a poke and a frown. "Why did you sleep on the couch, babe?"_ _

__Jake frowned in confusion, because he didn't remember. He registered the steady throbbing of his head and then only did he remember: _The Betrayal_._ _

__

__Amy was still chattering as she began to fluff the cushions he'd slept on. " - I saw you when I got up to pee at, like, five-ish, but I didn't want to wake you up. Were you playing on your switch? Couldn't fall asleep?"_ _

__He looked up at her in disbelief. Did she not realise?_ _

__"No." He said, his voice hoarse with sleep. He cleared his throat, and repeated, "No. Amy, don't you - I was - I _am_ mad at you!"_ _

__Amy, to his extreme surprise, laughed and turned to look at him, but the laughter died when she saw the look on his face. "You- you're not joking."_ _

__It was a question._ _

__"I'm really not." He sighed, ran his fingers through his hair. It was more a calming gesture than a...flatten the bedhead gesture. "About the therapy thing. I cannot believe you would do that to me, and I'm-" He sighed again, his mind a muddled pool of exasperation, outrage and distress. Part of him wanted to yell and shout, the other part wanted to never talk to her again. But, in all truth, the largest part of him only wanted her to comfort him, to tell him it was a lie, that she would never betray his trust like that, that Rosa was lying.  
"I'm sorry, I cant talk to you right now."_ _

__He left her standing, wide-eyed and open-mouthed, horror on her face, as he went to unleash his fury inside the cocoon of the pink tiles of their retro bathroom.  
_ _

___Amy_ _ _

__

__Somewhere in the back of her mind, Amy registered that this was another entry to the 'Jake and Amy say something shocking and walk off' book._ _

__(Yes, they kept records about all this stuff, no one knew when it would come up and an all-consuming argument would begin. There were times they'd skivved off work to gather evidence against the other - competitive, did you say?)_ _

__She hadn't meant for him to find out, obviously. She also had never meant to let it go so far._ _

__It was a prank gone bad- it was meant only to be a one time thing, but she'd gotten carried away..._ _

__"Careful, Icarus," she muttered to herself, bitterly._ _

__The thing was - Jake had always been so resistant to therapy, and for some reason, this actor-therapist had actually been able to convince him to open up. And once the dam opened, Jake had began talking._ _

__Like, _talking_ talking. The actor she'd paid, just sat there and looked smart, and didn't try to diagnose him with PTSD or Childhood Trauma Carried to Adulthood, or even ADHD; and that gave Jake some peace, and boy, did he spill. He talked about his father, and his childhood, and of course, he talked a lot about the heist._ _

__A lot of the things, he _could_ talk to Amy about. One thing he couldn't talk to her - or anyone - about was the heist. So his emotions found an outlet in the silent therapist, and he talked about his plans - more than once he'd say something like, "I can't say more, they could be spying on me as we speak," followed by a fond chuckle, and a crouched Amy would feel her heart rate speed up._ _

__But the thing was, he talked so much about the heist, and she got so much information, and she was so desperate to win, (urgh, maybe _she_ needed to visit a therapist about her all-encompassing need for constant validation via stupid small victories) that she couldn't stop herself. So she kept on paying the actor 80 bucks per hour to keep Jake spilling his plans._ _

__And- it _did_ help him, she kept telling herself. He talked about other things too - like how he was scared to be a father, his anger at Amy's parents for never accepting him, his disapproval at his mother for falling for the wrong men, his sadness at the premature loss of his beloved Nana which he'd never really processed - these hidden stories came tumbling out, along with confessions about his weird attractions to cartoon characters - which Amy did know about, by the way. He seemed lighter and more relaxed following his therapy sessions, and he definitely opened up more to Amy, too - about his teenage years and his twenties and how he spent so much time feeling lonely and his resulting overcompensation in social situations and a fear of commitment. _ _

__It would seem silly to have these fears after nearly two whole years of being married, after a three year relationship, which was after a four year friendship; but this was repressing-the-hell-out-of-feelings Jake. And the more he opened up, the free-er he became, and the more he relaxed._ _

__And Amy loved seeing this Jake, the happy-go-lucky Jake, who didn't sulk after talking to his father and didn't let her parents get to him, who could talk to her about anything and seemed so proud of himself when he could._ _

__So she let it continue._ _

__God, if Rosa hadn't slipped up and told Jake everything, they would be _fine_ right now. He would never have found out. But no, Rosa had to go and fuck up her entire life-_ _

__She forced herself to calm down. She was the one who'd come up with the cruel plan, and no matter how much she tried to blame Rosa, Amy knew it was her own fault and she deserved this. She deserved all of Jake's anger, and he deserved a better wife._ _

__Bracing herself, she knocked on the bathroom door._ _

__"Jake? Listen, I'm sorry. I was wrong, and it's my fault, and you absolutely have every right to be mad, and- "_ _

__The door flung open, and Amy took a step back in surprise.  
Jake looked downright furious, and that scared her. _ _

__"Oh, you're _sorry_ , are you? What are you sorry about? That you lied to me and tricked me, or that I found out about it?"_ _

__"I-"_ _

__"Spare me." He spat, and Amy had to stop herself from flinching. "We know you would have never told me about this if Rosa hadn't let it slip-"_ _

__"Jake-"_ _

__But Jake was on a roll._ _

__"Do you even care about me being better? This was a low blow, even for you."_ _

__Amy struggled to find words, her throat hurting from trying not to cry. " _Of course I car_ \- wait, what do you mean, even for me?"_ _

__Jake laughed, but it was a hollow, mirthless laugh that sent shivers down her spine, and not the good kind._ _

__"Your pregnancy ploy last year? God, do you know what that felt like, thinking that I've tased my baby? I wanted to _die_ , Amy, I swear, I felt so horrible-"_ _

__"It was-"_ _

__"Leave it. We finished that argument last year. But it's the reason I talked about decorum this Halloween. Looked up a big fancy word, so it would get through to you-"_ _

__Amy just stood there, mouth opening and closing but no words came to her. Jake sounded so bitter, and his words were like knives to her heart._ _

__He stood there, looking at her with a _Let's see how you explain yourself out of the situation this time_ look on his face, and Amy suddenly forgot all the words in the world. His eyes were red and glistening and she'd never felt so empty in her life. Her lungs squeezed, and she could feel herself becoming breathless._ _

__"I- I need to pee..." She whispered shakily, looking at the floor, avoiding his gaze._ _

__Jake raised his eyebrows, and brushed past her without a word._ _

__After she peed, she threw water on her face to compose herself. She knew he needed some time to cool down, and they could talk then, but Amy knew she'd wormed herself into a difficult one, this time._ _

__And she had a feeling that it would have been much _much_ worse had she not been pregnant._ _

__She rubbed her belly. "Oh baby. Mama's really blown it this time, hasn't she?" She felt silly, stupid; what would the baby think of her if it found out what she had done?_ _

__It was Easter, and they were going to spend a relaxing day in, planning the nursery (Amy had been spending WAY too much time on Pinterest) and maybe watching a few YouTube videos about the quickest way to change diapers. But now it was ruined, thanks to her, and Amy had no idea how to salvage it._ _

__There was a knock on the door.  
"Amy? I'm going out with Charles. See ya later."_ _

__And then he was gone._ _

__  
_Jake__ _

__

__He wasn't going out with Charles, not really. He was thinking of going to the precinct, losing himself in a case, but he found himself walking in the opposite direction. Ten years ago, solving a case would have been enough for Jake, but now he knew that case-solving happiness was temporary, and just filling in the hole for something else._ _

__Something else he'd learnt about in 'therapy.'_ _

__Suddenly, he got an idea. He took out his phone and called _Dr. Alice Grey__ _

__....._ _

__

__The door to 132, Bridge St. opened with a creak._ _

__A middle-aged brunette wearing a gray suit and large glasses answered. "Hello, Jake. How are you feeling to-"_ _

__"Its okay, Dr. Grey , I found out about you being fake- wait, can I call you doctor anymore?"_ _

__"Oh! Oh, thank fuck." She sighed exaggeratedly, and told him to sit down, while she practically pranced inside the apartment, coming back in five minutes, looking like a different person._ _

__"That suit is scratchy as hell." She took off her glasses and slumped down on her chair. "I mean, no offence, but you were getting kinda boring. Also fielding calls and visits from your wife every week got a bit tiring, to be honest, and also that woman who hid under the sofa was _scary as hell-_ "_ _

__"Boring?! _Me?_ And Amy called you every week? Why?"_ _

__Alice, who was in a tank top and pyjama pants, a complete one-eighty from her formal Therapist persona, twirled her hair in her fingers. "Well, first it was about me not letting it slip that the whole thing was a ruse- I mean, I'm a stage actor, I've been in off-off-Broadway plays-:_ _

__"Okay...?"_ _

__"And then she kept sending me psychology articles, and once she _came to my house_ with a stack of textbooks, apparently she was so delighted that you'd opened up to anyone at all, that she really believed I could help you. I think she expected me to _study_ that crap - like, girl, if I wanted to fuckin' study, I wouldn't have dropped out of school to do that play in Kansas - "_ _

__Jake huffed out a laugh. _Typical Amy._ "You did help! You were very easy to talk to, so thank you for that."_ _

__"Oh God, do you know how hard it is for an actor to sit and listen to _other people?_ But I acted my ass off to look interested-"_ _

__"Oh, well-"_ _

__"Okay, and it was entertaining, to be honest. How are you attracted to so many cartoon ladies? They don't even have disproportionate curves! And your dad is an asshole, and I guess it's kinda nice you're being the bigger person, but you don't need to give that man so much space to live rent free in your mind, like I say to my ladies, men ain't shit. Also, heisting is stupid, like, _grow up_ , I swear to God, use your money to buy theater tickets or something-"_ _

__"Um, I-"_ _

__"Hey, I listened to you talk for an hour per fortnight, it's my turn- "_ _

__"But we paid you-" Jake muttered under his breath as the lady went on a tirade on the bad luck of struggling actors and how one day she would Make It._ _

__"It was nice meeting you," she concluded her spiel with a grin. "But I'm glad I don't have to hear you and your wife talking about each other anymore. You guys are _disgustingly_ in love."_ _

__Jake rolled his eyes. "Yeah, and that's why she tricked me?"_ _

__"Nah, she tricked you because she was tired of you gloating about your stupid secret heist plans and your two time win and all that shit. Like, it's really not that important.  
And I swear, if I have to hear about bunny glasses one more time-"_ _

__"I get it!" Jake laughed. "Look, you did help me work a few things out. And I guess I just came to say thank you. And goodbye. And that Amy found out that I found out, and so we're fighting-"_ _

__"NO! No, I don't want to listen to any of your problems anymore! If you love each other, you'll figure it out. And at least shell out money for a real therapist. Goodbye, Jake. And hey, congrats on the baby! And say hi to Amy, too. I shall NOT miss her nagging. Oh! And I don't think your addiction to orange soda has anything to do with childhood trauma."  
  
.  
_ _

__

___Jake_  
  
He walked around the park for a bit, then spent a while scrolling on his phone. Still, he couldn't bring himself to focus. All he wanted to do was go home._ _

__He opened the front door to the sight of Amy seated on the couch, shuffling around a huge sheaf of papers, muttering frantically under her breath._ _

__"Hey-"_ _

__She looked up fast enough to crick her neck. She'd definitely been crying, her nose red and her lips chewed up. "Oh hey! I didn't expect you back so soon-"_ _

__"Clearly." He gestured at the the mess of papers in her lap. "Is that the apology speech for me?  
He threw himself down on the couch._ _

__She flushed. "Ye- I mean, I know nothing I say is going to justify what I did, but-"_ _

__Jake figured he could torment her more and honestly, he wasn't feeling that generous towards her, yet, the hurt still strong in his heart._ _

__But he was sick of their fighting, and she was looking so wrecked, and he really wanted to tell her about that blue crib he saw online, the one with the voice-controlled diaper disposal. This wasn't the kind of fight that could be resolved with one talk. It indicated they had some growing, some changing to do, and he was ready to move forward in that direction, rather than stagnating in anger. But he had the upper hand, and he deserved to use it. "Don't say it then, what's the point?"_ _

__He could see her shoulders physically droop before she started collecting the papers around her, swallowing heavily. He could hear her ragged breaths.  
  
"Will you forgive me?" She asked, after a beat, in a quiet voice. _ _

__Jake looked at her, straight into her eyes. It broke his heart how frightened she looked, but he had to steel his resolve. The heists were all fun and games, and it wasn't like he had any lasting damage done to him. But he'd been subjected to a massive breach of privacy, of trust, and right now he needed to be selfish. He didn't want to _punish_ her - she seemed to be doing that enough, herself; not to mention, that was an ugly feeling to have. He just needed for her to know that he was absolutely not okay with that, and that it wasn't something that could happen again, in any way, shape or form. For heists, or otherwise. _ _

__His hard eyes softened a bit as he looked at her defeated form. The thing was, Jake understood and accepted her competitiveness in a way no one did. He knew that growing up in the atmosphere she did, losing wasn't an option. With her family being as it was, and the world being what it was, Amy's aggressive ambition had been developed of years of living with her extra cutthroat family and then trying to earn her place in this already unfair, combative world._ _

__Which had resulted in Amy being the most by-the-book, rule-following, protocol-kissing person he knew, but also when she let loose, she _let loose.__ _

__

__"Forgive you?" He retorted. Her features lit up with hope for a nanosecond before being replaced by that expressionless mask, carefully constructed so that he couldn't say she was crying for sympathy. (He knew of people who'd said that to her before. It was disgusting.) But he saw though it. He saw through it all, because at the end of the day, she was his wife, the love of his life. If they separated over a halloween heist, it would break both of them so terribly._ _

__He was so, so tired._ _

__"Of course." He said. "Eventually. Some day. When you agree to watching the Ninja Turtles with me. Maybe."_ _

__She smiled, a bit scared, a bit sad.  
"I was a fucking idiot, Jake-"_ _

__"Yeah, you were."_ _

__"And I'll do anything, anything-"_ _

__"Yeah, you will-" He gave her a look. He felt impossibly lighter. The problem wasn't solved, but it could be. It would be._ _

__She inched closer to him as she spoke, and when she was inches away, held out her arms tentatively._ _

__He leaned towards her, and her face lit up, relieved that he was accepting her hug, but then he reached around her to grab the remote._ _

__"Cartoon time!"_ _

__"Jake!"_ _

__He chuckled at her contrite expression before he held out his arms. "Come here."_ _

__She fell into him as gracefully as she could, considering her belly and all, but moulded into him perfectly, with one of his arms around her shoulders and one on her belly. "I am a horrible person and I will accept any punishment you give me. I don't deserve you, Jake."_ _

__"I think we deserve each other just fine." He whispered into her ear. "Doesn't mean that we can't fuck up from time to time, and doesn't mean we can't forgive. I am going to need some time, Amy."_ _

__"Of course. Of course. As long as you need." She nodded into his neck._ _

__They were silent for a while, wrapped up in an embrace._ _

__"Next Halloween we might have a baby," Amy mumbled into his neck, and the words sent a thrill through Jake's body. He was going to be a dad._ _

__Their due date was around end- October, and as soon as the doctor had said that, plans had begun to formulate in Jake's mind, and he was sure, Amy's too. But for once, he wasn't looking forward to the heist this time. Like, at all._ _

__"Yeah, I bet you'll trick me by pretending to go into labour or something during the heist, and -"_ _

__Amy snorted. "I bet you won't believe me, and I'll end up having to have the baby at the precinct."_ _

__"Oh, wouldn't that be cool! Our baby born at the precinct, where we first met, where we got mar-"_ _

__Amy whipped up to his level."NO!!! It will most certainly not be cool! I'm giving birth in a hospital with pain meds and sterile towels, or I'm not giving birth. I let you marry me there, but that's where I'm drawing the line."_ _

__"Oh, you've let me do a lot of things to you there," he said, waggling his eyebrows._ _

__Amy rolled her eyes and settled her head on his shoulder. Jake followed her gaze to their wedding picture on the wall._ _

__"I suppose I can forgive you." Jake whispered. "The actor was so much cheaper than a real therapist-"_ _

__"Oh my God, so much cheaper, right?!"_ _

__"- and she did give me strength to accept that it's okay to get boners for cartoon characters-"_ _

__"I-"_ _

__"So now that I accept myself, I feel at peace, and look! It's a Flintstones re-run!"_ _

__"...Jake! Ewwww." Amy struggled to get out of his grip, but he held on tightly._ _

__"Oh no, babe, you're watching with me, you owe me, don't forget-"  
_ _

__

___Amy_ _ _

__

__  
Amy hardly heard the rest of the sentence- Jake called her babe! She pretended to struggle a bit more, but only half-heartedly, because there was nowhere she'd rather be than her husband's arms._ _

__She wished she could take back her mistake, but the damage was done._ _

__She could only hope that it wasn't bad enough as Icarus, that the sun hadn't melted the wax off her wings yet, that they were still soaring, flying._ _

__She had to make sure they were, because Jake was the best thing that had happened to her._ _

__She snuggled into his arms, and started planning her apology binder. First step: finding a real therapist - probably for the both of them._ _

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to talk nine-niney to me!  
> (Edited on 10/26/20)  
> 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
